just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
