Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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