I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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