i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He better not be in your backpack
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
