porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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