Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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