Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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