Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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