Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
