Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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