Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
