We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
