The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
