why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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