My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
