he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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