I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
