God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Randomize
