while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
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