is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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