Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Randomize
