I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
