first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
