Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
