Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
