nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
