Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Are we still banned from the library?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
