while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
