My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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