Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
