Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
