Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
