i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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