Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
