I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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