he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
