You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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