Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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