you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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