I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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