who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
