That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
