A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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