I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
