By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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