she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
BRING THE BAGELS
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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