The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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