If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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