Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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