you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
