are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
