i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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