I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
