My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
