I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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