i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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