a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
