Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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