Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
