He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
